Bus Log: Mon 29 Sep 2008

Monday.

Bus was kinda crowded, this guy gets on and clambers his way to the back. Not drunk, just big and clumsy. He was very dark, but I think more of it was dirt than pigment. . . . but I don't think he was a bum. Right behind him, but not with him were these two girls. One looked like a female Rerun from What's Happening (we'll call her She-run), the other was just a generic, garden-variety hood rat (um.....wtf - Ghettonya).

These three would provide the entertainment for today's bus ride.

From the time they got situated, Dirt is tryin to talk to She-Run and Ghettonya.

D: Yeah baby u see that car over there? I could buy you one-a-dem.
S & G: ::giggling:: fa real? Where yours at?

They were playfully flirting with each other. . . disgusting the shit outta me. There's nothing more unsettling than to witness ugly people flirting.

S: So what u do? How u make yo money baby?
D: Oh I own a restaurant baby.
G: A RESTAURANT?! You got roaches?
D: Yop. Rats too. I fry DEM muhfuckas. Put some hot sauce on em, throw em between some bread - gotchu a rat sammich.
G: Oh, so you'll eat ANYTHING huh?
D: Nah, not ANYTHING, baby ;-)
(Insinuating he wouldn't eat no COOCHIE, but he'd eat a rat - I don't get that. . . but whatever)

D: ::lights a MUTHAFUCKIN cigarette::
S & G: UH UUH! u gotta put that OUT!
G: ::looks to me:: Sir, can you open that window? He stank! What you readin? You go to school? Where you go?
Me: ::dryly:: Lawrence Tech
S: Oooh! I know where dat is! Lookit u botherin dis smart man readin his book!

I just realized that I'm becoming increasingly efficient at ignoring people. I think they mighta said more to or about me at this point, but I was really trying to understand Master-Slave and Edge-Triggered D Flip-Flops. So I wasn't TRYING to be rude, I just didn't give a fuck whether or not I was.

...... Later in the ride ......
Ghettonya pulls out her Metro PieCe of Shit cell phone and plays THE most ignant shit this side of Too $hort that this world has ever heard. . . LOUD and proud.

The bus is transformed into the club. These fuckas are dancing by the back door, singin the lyrics loud as hell and just engaging in general cooniggardry.

There were even some celebrities in attendance. Rip "MC Eiht" Hamilton and Raheem Soulchild turn around and get involved. Don't know what they said, but they looked just like their names imply.

The disgusting ugly people flirtfest continued, and Ghettonya and She-Run really seemed to be amused by DirtStank's antics.

D: ::to Ghettonya:: Girl, I'd. . . ::whispers something in her ear while swaying his head from side to side::
G: ::snaps back:: Aww HEELLL naw! ::giggles:: you bouta make me go back ta JAIL for the 5th time!
D: Fa real baby. And I told u I got 3 cars! You my woman! I'ma take care of u!
G: Could I drive yo car if I'm yo woman?
D: Hell yeah!

I stopped listening again, then DirtStank got off the bus and Ghettonya and She-Run started talkin to MC Eiht Hamilton and Raheem Soulchild.

Legally Palin/ Joker McCain

Time for some good ol' conspiracy theories. . . here's a couple just to keep you wondering.

• The Republicans are trying to throw this election on purpose. They realize that they messed up, and want to let the Democrats fix their mess. They can't publicly roll over, so they at least pretend to put up a fight.
  
  Seriously, take a look at their candidates: If elected, John McCain WILL die before his first term is over. When that happens, we'd have WHO as the Commander in Chief??? You guessed it, Jenna Jameson's alter ego: Sarah Palin. I could see this shit play out like "Legally Blonde 3: Paint the White House Pink. . . TOTALLY!"
  
  
  
  
  International relations would be much lower than they are now. She'd alienate us from Mexico by trying to hire the entire country as our Official Drywallers and Landscapers. She'd accuse every African nation of reckless eyeballing, and France (probably justifiably so) of sexual harassment. She'd continually smack our little brother Canada in the back of the head when he tries to offer us some sensible advice. Eventually she would call for separation from little brother. either by physically cutting the border and pushing him away, or building a 20-foot thick wall along the entire US/ Canadian border. . . . By then, I'll be mayor of Detroit, runnin these cold streets from Windsor. Text me if you need me.
  
  What up Kwame?!


John McCain is the Joker

• He just wears makeup to cover his scars.

Bus Log: Tue 23 Sep 2008

• AIDS Man
  This guy gets on the bus, and the first thing I thought was "This guy has AIDS." Don't know what it is exactly that makes someone LOOK AIDSly, but he had it. Dude was tall, skinny, with light brown badly permed hair, pinned up in a hairnet, wearing a formerly black or dark gray hoodie, which had been bleached. He sits down directly in front of me (making me scared to breathe actually), and I noticed his hairline was like 6" above his collar and he was carrying a GameWorks bag, which I assumed was full of AIDS medicine or drug paraphernalia. . . I guess it could have been video games too, but I doubt it.



• This lady who looked just like Rosa Parks got on the bus. . . and sat BEHIND me. Ironic???



• Random building of the day
  Maceo's Croquettes and Dairy Bar (no lie. Grand River just north/west of Hubbell)



• Disgruntled Drunkard
  So I'm sitting there, looking out the window, when I hear some angry, drunken, profane mutterings, "I'll kick yo ass!." I look back and see this guy SPRAWLED out across the entire back seat. Drunk as hell. I immediately pulled out my phone and started taking notes. A lady got on the bus with her small child and walked towards the back. I guess I COULDA warned her, and given up my seat, but where's the fun in that? So I just watched. Her face went from unsuspecting smile, to disgustingly frightened. She sat her child next to Rosa Parks and moved away from Drunken Madness. Meanwhile, I'm holding back tears because of the burst of laughter threatening to erupt. I was the ONLIEST muthaf'a on that bus who thought it was HILARIOUS! Everybody else looked concerned, or scared, or otherwise unamused. Here is a partial list of his mutterings.
  
  
  • "I'm like Stevie Wonder - I'll kick yo ass!"
  
  
  • "I'ma kick ALL yall asses!"
  
  
  • "I'ma kick HIS ass!"
  
  
  • "Somebody gon SUFFA!"
  
  
  • Singing random songs. He even did a count off (1, 2, 1-2-3-4!)
  
  
  • "I don't like Murray Wright!" as we passed Murray Wright High School
  
  
  
  And as he exited the bus, I saw his hands, and at first, it looked like he was wearing latex gloves. Turns out he was just ashy as hell. He basically falls off the bus, angrily, then turns back to the bus, with a friendly smile, waves goodbye, and stumbles to the liquor store.
  
  I want him to ride my bus every day. No hobo.

Bus Log: Wed 21 August 2008 - Thu 22 August 2008

Not very much lately.
Wednesday 21 August 2008

• Got on the bus later than usual today. Should've known the crazies would be out. I'm sitting there with my headphones on when this lady gets on the bus and sits right in front of me. She turns around, looks me in the face, and starts mouthing something. Naturally, I turn my headphones up louder and look out the window. She continues so I say "excuse me?" This broad responds surprised "OH! I wasn't talkin to you. I was just sayin 'Jesus' over and over again. Is your name Jesus?! Sometimes you just gotta say 'Jesus.'"
  
  Over and over again while staring a nigga in the face huh? I knew I shouldn't have acknowledged her; she talked to me for a good five minutes, which seemed like a blistering fucking eternity of nonsensical shit that I did NOT want to hear. She asked was I married.
  "No." I replied.
  "You got a girlfriend?" she asked.
  "Yes."
  "You gon marry her??? How old are you? How old is she?"
  "Probably. I'm 25. She's 26," I said dryly.
  "AND YOU'RE SURE YOU'RE READY TO GET MARRIED?!"
  
  From this point on, I don't know wtf she was talking about. I turned my headphones up again and just nodded every once in a while. Next time I saw her (15 minutes later) she was crying.


Thursday 22 August 2008: Bebe and Her Kids - Woodward/ 8 Mile

• Got to the bus stop this morning and there was a lady with 3 little boys, dirty as hell at 9 in the morning. I'm guessing 10, 8, and 4 years old. At first, she was talking to the oldest one.
  
  Bebe: Well if you need 24 of em and 8 come in a pack, how many packs you need? That's. . . . . . at least 5 right?
  10: I think that's 3 mama.
  Me: ::realizing this is going to be an interesting wait, turn down my headphones::
  
  While this is going on, 8 and 4 are play-fighting. . . . INTENSELY. Matter of fact, f playin; them lil niggas was FIGHTIN! 8 has a big, heavy branch, sharp on one end, hitting 4 with it. 4 counters by punching 8 in the head.
  
  Bebe: JOSH STOP!
  Josh: Hits 4 with the stick again
  4: Slaps Josh in the face, runs in a circle, falls in the dirt, laughing, continues running in circles around Josh.
  Josh: Hits 4 with the stick again
  Bebe: JOSH STOP!
  4: Punches Josh, hides behind me.
  Josh: Starts climbing the fence to the cemetery.
  4: Pulls Josh off the fence
  Bebe: JOSH STOP!
  Josh: Jumps off the fence, turns the sharp end of the stick to 4 and pretends (dangerously close) to stab 4 in the head and face with the stick
  4: Grabs Josh's shirt and pulls him, while Josh is still doing the dangerous stab motion towards his face.
  Bebe: JOSH STOP!
  Josh: ::stops:: I was stabbin him mommy
  
  I just KNEW I was gon see some ghetto-baby blood that day. Glad I didn't though.

Bus Log: Wed 14 Aug 2008 - Evening

Yeah. . . I thought it'd be a while before I could write another one. . . Northland proved me wrong.

The Northland Stop

• Mr. Detroit
  I see this clown like every day. And when I say clown, I mean it. This guy epitomizes "The Detroit Look" that I so despise. Dude looks like Fabolous, but skinnier, and with a more clueless look in his eye. I've seen this fool wear:
  
  
  • A fuschia (#FF00FF) fitted with a periwinkle (#CCCCFF) D, perinkle polo, with AF1s to match
  
  
  • A lavender D fitted, lavender button up, lavender watch face, and lavender shoes
  
  
  • Pink, orange, black D fitted, matching polo, jeans, etc. . . u get the picture
  
  
  
• 80s Boy
  I swear I thought this guy was joking. I saw him get off the bus and at first just thought he had an S-curl. . . . upon further observation, realized m'man had a full-out JHERI curl. And dude was like 16. That might be acceptable for someone in their 40s+, who used to wear it when they were acceptable, and just don't wanna let go. At 16, you were born AFTER they weren't cool anymore, and therefore should know better. . . and it ain't even look good - it was like too long to S, not long enough to Jheri.
  
  Sidebar: I think it's HILARIOUS that a picture of young Michael Jackson pops up when I Google "jheri curl."



• Random Pack of Losers
  OK. These 3 guys walked up to the bus stop, walked through the crowd, and went and stood off to the side. A few girls walked up, these niggas lost their minds! "FUCK!. . . . . SHIT!. . . . . . DAMN!" just yellin loud as hell for the girls to hear em. Three hood lookin ass girls, WITH babies! The leader of The Ignorances struts over, says somethin, pulls out his phone and motions like he tryina ask for her number. LMAO! he never typed nothin though.
  
  Ladies, is shouting profanity at you taken as a compliment?! Lemme know.



• Everest students
  Nothing against Everest. I'm not sure if Everest is an actual school. I think they just dress up in scrubs that say Everest Institute and hang out at Northland bus stop all day. . . . sayin dumb shit.
  
  Example:
  Everest Student 1:Ay nigga when the last time u seen that nigga Joe nigga?
  
  Everest Student 2:Shit nigga, been prolly since high school nigga.
  
  ES1:Nigga i just seent that nigga the other day. That nigga a artist nigga now nigga. Paintin niggas & shit.
  Nigga what about Tanya? U remember her, nigga? Nigga she a MODEL now nigga. Funny that bitch was a ugly ass nigga in high school. Now nigga i wanna bone bad as hell, nigga. Nigga I seen her on "The Book" the other day nigga, lookin bad as HEEEELL nigga!
  
  ES2: "The Book?"
  
  ES1: Facebook, nigga.



• That mysterious weed smell
  
  • That mysterious weed smell
  
  
  • Broad daylight
  
  
  • Does not dissipate

I'm sure there's more. I'll update as I think of it.