Bus Log: September 22, 2014: All about meth

There are lots of weird people in Seattle. Many of them feel the need to ask you strange, and often personal, questions. Many times, this leads me to believe they're on meth. Maybe it's crack. Maybe it's liquor, but here, it'll always be assumed to be meth. So, I've begun to keep track of #methHeadQuestions. It's always safe to read these in the voices of Badger and Skinny Pete from Breaking Bad.

#methHeadQuestions

• hey bro. u wanna make $150? 
• No follow up here. I just laughed hard as hell and kept walking. 
• hey brotha, you need some speakers?
• guy pushing a Target cart, with a blanket covering some speakers, with a Target price tag on it, outside of Target. 
• My reply: "Nah man I got a enough speakers. I got speakers in my house, in my car. I even got speakers in my pocket ::pull out headphones::" 
• Then he called me an asshole. Not very many people can say they've been called an asshole by a homeless meth-head. I'm making strides in life.
• hey man, wanna buy a pack of hot dogs and socks?
• at the bus stop, downtown. far from refrigeration.
• heeeyyyy, broooo...can i get a swig of your water bottle, dude? i'm thirsty as hellllll
• slight head tilt. no verbal response. 
• nice flowers, dude. can i get one for my girl?
• I was walking down the street with this (quite impressive) bouquet I arranged for my wife. I was in a really good mood, and actually began to reach to give him one. Then mid-motion, I realized my fucks to give supply was completely exhausted, and continued ignoring him
• this lady at the bus stop had some kind of McDonald's burger, and this guy walks by, sees it, and stops. She doesn't look up at him at all, but he's like checking her out for a good 5 seconds, furrowed brow & all. Then he says: 
• "hey......HEEAAAY!...that's a good lookin burga heh hah!" and keeps walking along his methy way

Ghetto lady & Meth guy

Yeah, so this could've been a mid-90s UPN or WB sitcom. Front of the bus action here. I'm sitting in the first row of forward-facing bus seats, and there's this meth head in the side-facing seats. He looks dirty and high as shit. This big, bodacious black woman comes and sits right next to him.

Ghetto lady: Nah baby you gotta move out the WAY, you see this ass??

Meth guy: ::quietly:: oh, sorry. ::scoots over:: I didn't think anyone would wanna sit next to me. I haven't taken a shower in 11 days
GL: 11 days?? you don't SMELL bad. whatchu use, Irish Spring?? 

So he laughs, and they hit it off pretty well. She pulls out some Flamin' Hot Cheetos (which I didn't even know they still made)

GL: Damn! I am ADDICTED to these things. You ever had em?
MG: No, I don't think so
GL: Hm. Hold out yo hand. ::pours him a couple::
MG: ::eats the Cheetos, immediately begins what appears to be a fake cough::
GL: You betta getchu some WATER! HA! 

And somehow they started talkin about Mike Jones

Bus Log: September 8, 2014

Convo with the deaf guy
So, I'm standing at the bus stop, purposely minding my own business because I just didn't really feel like being bothered with strangers and their weirdnesses. I guess that vibe attracts weirdos. Anyway, so like 10 feet away from me, sitting on the bench in the shelter, there's this guy with a fishing rod, making angry arm gestures at the street. I notice him, but don't really acknowledge him. I thought I heard him say something, so I asked:

Me: I'm sorry?
Him: summa ma bumma caw
Me: Oh ok ::put headphones back on::
Him: myon bin bandsaw

(this is when I realized he was deaf)

Deaf Dude: I can't hear you

He was reading my lips, which, upon my realization, immediately freaked me completely the fuck out. Besides the horrible fact that I couldn't stop thinking of Greased Up Deaf Guy, I just don't want another dude staring at my lips, man. Don't judge me. Then he stood up, and I swear it looked like he was squaring up to fight me! But he was just signing at me again. Then he started talking again:

DD: What time is the bus going to be here?
(I think that's what he said)
Me: Uh...7:58 (It was 7:30 at the time)
DD: Oh ok, so like 5 minutes
Me: ...::looks at watch:: yup
DD: Where you live?
Me: West Seattle
DD: Where you goin?
Me: Hangin out with coworkers
DD: How long you be gone?
Me: I dunno
DD: ::laughs, gives me a pound, and walks away::

Mind you, I have absolutely no idea what he's saying. Those are just the things I decided to believe he said, and responded thusly. He talked to me a couple more times after that, and it got increasingly harder not to bust out laughing. I had to get away, so I walked down the street a bit, and bro kinda followed me! Here's a picture of the situation

So then the bus comes, and I'm relieved, cuz I don't know how much longer I can contain my laughter.

On the bus, there are 4 teenage boys wrestling across the back seat. Like really putting each other in headlocks, and like elbow-drops and laughin & shit. I could be wrong, but I don't remember doing that past the age of like 8. They were really goin at it smh.

I sit down and relax a bit. As soon as I let my guard down, I look to my right, and directly across the aisle from me, is a crazy cat lady...stroking a damn cat, looking crazy. as. shit. As I was trying to get a picture of HER, I look in front of me, and see this middle-aged (45+) white guy, in biker shorts, a bubble coat, on a laptop:

Welcome back, Bus Log. Welcome back.

Oh yeah, I live in Seattle now.