Bus Log: Wed 21 August 2008 - Thu 22 August 2008

Not very much lately.
Wednesday 21 August 2008

• Got on the bus later than usual today. Should've known the crazies would be out. I'm sitting there with my headphones on when this lady gets on the bus and sits right in front of me. She turns around, looks me in the face, and starts mouthing something. Naturally, I turn my headphones up louder and look out the window. She continues so I say "excuse me?" This broad responds surprised "OH! I wasn't talkin to you. I was just sayin 'Jesus' over and over again. Is your name Jesus?! Sometimes you just gotta say 'Jesus.'"
  
  Over and over again while staring a nigga in the face huh? I knew I shouldn't have acknowledged her; she talked to me for a good five minutes, which seemed like a blistering fucking eternity of nonsensical shit that I did NOT want to hear. She asked was I married.
  "No." I replied.
  "You got a girlfriend?" she asked.
  "Yes."
  "You gon marry her??? How old are you? How old is she?"
  "Probably. I'm 25. She's 26," I said dryly.
  "AND YOU'RE SURE YOU'RE READY TO GET MARRIED?!"
  
  From this point on, I don't know wtf she was talking about. I turned my headphones up again and just nodded every once in a while. Next time I saw her (15 minutes later) she was crying.


Thursday 22 August 2008: Bebe and Her Kids - Woodward/ 8 Mile

• Got to the bus stop this morning and there was a lady with 3 little boys, dirty as hell at 9 in the morning. I'm guessing 10, 8, and 4 years old. At first, she was talking to the oldest one.
  
  Bebe: Well if you need 24 of em and 8 come in a pack, how many packs you need? That's. . . . . . at least 5 right?
  10: I think that's 3 mama.
  Me: ::realizing this is going to be an interesting wait, turn down my headphones::
  
  While this is going on, 8 and 4 are play-fighting. . . . INTENSELY. Matter of fact, f playin; them lil niggas was FIGHTIN! 8 has a big, heavy branch, sharp on one end, hitting 4 with it. 4 counters by punching 8 in the head.
  
  Bebe: JOSH STOP!
  Josh: Hits 4 with the stick again
  4: Slaps Josh in the face, runs in a circle, falls in the dirt, laughing, continues running in circles around Josh.
  Josh: Hits 4 with the stick again
  Bebe: JOSH STOP!
  4: Punches Josh, hides behind me.
  Josh: Starts climbing the fence to the cemetery.
  4: Pulls Josh off the fence
  Bebe: JOSH STOP!
  Josh: Jumps off the fence, turns the sharp end of the stick to 4 and pretends (dangerously close) to stab 4 in the head and face with the stick
  4: Grabs Josh's shirt and pulls him, while Josh is still doing the dangerous stab motion towards his face.
  Bebe: JOSH STOP!
  Josh: ::stops:: I was stabbin him mommy
  
  I just KNEW I was gon see some ghetto-baby blood that day. Glad I didn't though.

Bus Log: Wed 14 Aug 2008 - Evening

Yeah. . . I thought it'd be a while before I could write another one. . . Northland proved me wrong.

The Northland Stop

• Mr. Detroit
  I see this clown like every day. And when I say clown, I mean it. This guy epitomizes "The Detroit Look" that I so despise. Dude looks like Fabolous, but skinnier, and with a more clueless look in his eye. I've seen this fool wear:
  
  
  • A fuschia (#FF00FF) fitted with a periwinkle (#CCCCFF) D, perinkle polo, with AF1s to match
  
  
  • A lavender D fitted, lavender button up, lavender watch face, and lavender shoes
  
  
  • Pink, orange, black D fitted, matching polo, jeans, etc. . . u get the picture
  
  
  
• 80s Boy
  I swear I thought this guy was joking. I saw him get off the bus and at first just thought he had an S-curl. . . . upon further observation, realized m'man had a full-out JHERI curl. And dude was like 16. That might be acceptable for someone in their 40s+, who used to wear it when they were acceptable, and just don't wanna let go. At 16, you were born AFTER they weren't cool anymore, and therefore should know better. . . and it ain't even look good - it was like too long to S, not long enough to Jheri.
  
  Sidebar: I think it's HILARIOUS that a picture of young Michael Jackson pops up when I Google "jheri curl."



• Random Pack of Losers
  OK. These 3 guys walked up to the bus stop, walked through the crowd, and went and stood off to the side. A few girls walked up, these niggas lost their minds! "FUCK!. . . . . SHIT!. . . . . . DAMN!" just yellin loud as hell for the girls to hear em. Three hood lookin ass girls, WITH babies! The leader of The Ignorances struts over, says somethin, pulls out his phone and motions like he tryina ask for her number. LMAO! he never typed nothin though.
  
  Ladies, is shouting profanity at you taken as a compliment?! Lemme know.



• Everest students
  Nothing against Everest. I'm not sure if Everest is an actual school. I think they just dress up in scrubs that say Everest Institute and hang out at Northland bus stop all day. . . . sayin dumb shit.
  
  Example:
  Everest Student 1:Ay nigga when the last time u seen that nigga Joe nigga?
  
  Everest Student 2:Shit nigga, been prolly since high school nigga.
  
  ES1:Nigga i just seent that nigga the other day. That nigga a artist nigga now nigga. Paintin niggas & shit.
  Nigga what about Tanya? U remember her, nigga? Nigga she a MODEL now nigga. Funny that bitch was a ugly ass nigga in high school. Now nigga i wanna bone bad as hell, nigga. Nigga I seen her on "The Book" the other day nigga, lookin bad as HEEEELL nigga!
  
  ES2: "The Book?"
  
  ES1: Facebook, nigga.



• That mysterious weed smell
  
  • That mysterious weed smell
  
  
  • Broad daylight
  
  
  • Does not dissipate

I'm sure there's more. I'll update as I think of it.

Bus Log: Wed 13 August 2008 - Morning

13 August 2008 - 7:13 a.m

There were two guys at the bus stop when I got there this morning. One looked like a light brown-skinned Bald Bull (Mike Tyson's Punchout),









and the other was like a. . . . well, just an old hood rat. Let's call him Rodney.



















I arrived, and nothing was off-kilter for a while. "Good morning," I said. They both replied "Hey man, good morning brotha." That was about the most normal thing they said.

• Random outburst of the morning 1
  Old Hood Rat Rodney: What bus you waitin on man?
  
  Me: The 740 or the 405. Whichever comes first.
  
  Black Bald Bull: ::explodes:: MAN I HATE THAT MUTHAFUCKIN BUS! MY MUTHAFUCKIN WIFE BE ON THAT MUTHAFUCKA!
  
  Me: ::thinking:: "aw sheit"



• Random outburst of the morning 2
  OHRR: (to BBB) Where u get on?
  
  BBB: The Pines, right down the street
  
  OHRR: ::explodes:: MAN I WAS BOUTA MOVE IN THER BUT THEM MUTHAFUCKAS TURNED ME DOWN! HAD MY MUTHAFUCKIN CREDIT CHECK N EVERYTHANG! BUT SOON AS I WAS BOUTA MOVE IN THEY SAID I COULDN'T. FUCK EM!


From this point on, it just gets more ignoranter. . . .


• On Child Support
  Apparently, every black man with children in and around the City of Detroit owes child support.
  
  BBB: Man if you owe like less than $5,000, they won't even come after you. But I owe bout $10 G's!
  
  OHRR: Yeah I owe like $25 G's!
  
  BBB: Yeah I owe like $100 G's!
  
  Me: :-\



• On Prison
  BBB: Man I LOVE Dickerson Correctional Facility. If u get 45 days, they usually cut that shit to like 20. . . sometimes u might not even stay the NIGHT. If u ain't kill nobody, or did nothin too scantless, they might let you out that same night.
  
  OHRR: Yup, that's the one my son was locked up at.
  
  BBB: AND they got bitches!
  
  OHRR: ::really interested:: THEY LET YALL SEE THE WOMEN?!
  
  BBB: Naw, but all the COs is BITCHES! It was this one bitch in there just TRYYYYINA give me da pussy. I said 'Miss Kendall when u gon lemme get dat pussy?' She said 'Boy you crazy.'
  
  Me: . . . .


• On Technology
  BBB: ::texting:: Man I hate this text shit. But the bitches like it so I had to learn. I figger if THEY like it, I can learn that shit.
  
  OHRR: Yeah, keep that stable in line. (Mighta been a pun, cuz BBB told us that he cleans the horse stables for the police horses).
  But yeah my son paralyzed from the waist down be on that laaabtop. He come up to me tellin me put this tape in fa da naked ladies! I said 'Boy u can do ANYTHING on that computa!'
  
  Me: ::Fighting the urge to show them that they can also pull up porn on their cell phones::
  
  
• On dating
  BBB: Mosta the bitches I fucked wit was offa the bus! I fucked this white bitch in the bushes once. I just bought her a lil t-shirt from my job and she was wit it! Bangin her lil white ass in the bushes at Rouge Park!
  
  (At this point, I decided to get in on the action, for the sake of writing this)
  
  Me: Yeah I used to take the 6 mile bus home from high school. It was this one bad bitch I used to see EEEERRY day! So one day I sit next to her and start talkin to her. Next thing I know, I'm FINGERIN the bitch! ON the bus! I did that every day for a week, then was like 'you should come on down to my stop today.' She did. I fucked the shit outta her. From that day on, I just caught a different bus home!
  
  OHRR: Daaaaamn!
  
  BBB: YEAH! Tha's how u gotta DO these bitches! But the thang wit most black bitches is they all tryina get PAID! And yeah I ain't gon lie, I'll spend a lil bit on a bitch. Bitch be like 'Fitteen hunned' fa da pussy, I'll spend it just to fuck her lil bad ass and get her out my face.
  
  Me: Yeah!



• On The Weather
  Old Hood Rat Rodney tried to convince me that it hasn't rained that much this summer.
  
  OHRR: Man it's been really nice this year.
  
  Me: Yeah, but it rained a lot.
  
  OHRR: Naw it ain't rained THAT much.
  
  Me: Man it's rained like twice a week all summer.
  
  OHRR: Naw, it ain't rained that much.
  
  Me: Yeah, I'm pretty sure we've had record rainfall this summer.
  
  OHRR: OK, I see what u mean. It ain't rain that MUCH, but when it DID rain, it was a lot.
  
  Me: OK.


............................

Bus pulls up.
BBB: This that fat ass bitch I bet. She ALWAYS late. Yop that's her fat ass.

We got on the bus and sat in 3 different spots. I was SO glad to not have to listen to their dumbassedness any longer.

A few stops later. . .

BBB: BACK DOE!. . . . . ::mutters under breath:: fat muthafucka!

No lie. I almost lost it.

Crazy Shit I See On The Bus (08 Aug 2008)

So, the past couple of weeks I've been taking the bus to work. This ride includes a ride down Woodward from 12 Mile to Downtown Detroit. During these couple of weeks, I have been reminded of why I used to keep a bus journal of the shit I used to see when I used to catch it before. If I can find it, I'll post those too.

What follows are the most interesting things I've learned/ observed over the past couple of weeks.

Lessons learned:

• Albanians invented the Earth




• This was written on the bus stop bench (12 Mile/ Woodward):
  "The tears of the innocent shall spill forth and engulf the wicked."
  
  then someone else wrote:
  
  "Reality means you live until you die. The real truth is no one wants reality."
  
  To which Victor replied:
  
  "Bro,
  
  A million years ago when Albania invented the Earth bro, we didn't need people like you, bro.
  
  -Victor"
  




• Highland Park is the Nigga/ Crackhead Factory




• Everybody in HP looks like they harbor utter disdain, disregard, or pure hate for every other human. Those are some rough looking people. I'm not exaggerating, EVERY person I see in HP without fail looks like murder doesn't bother them - toddlers to senior citizens, them niggas look rough.
  
  
• I saw a chic today with a SHOOOOORT skirt on, revealing a stab wound on her upper inner thigh. Tasty :-\



• There is a crackhead that gets on at 6 Mile/ Woodward. He wears the same nasty ass shirt and pants every day. However, I've seen him in AT LEAST 4 different CLEAN pairs of Jordans over the past two weeks. . . with that same ass FUBU jersey and dirty ass church slacks. Getcha priorities straight, my G.


• (If you live in HP and have a problem with this, please do not murder me)

Observations

• Niggas inherently hate the bus driver


• "BACK DOE MUTHAFUCKA!" is heard very often on the crowded Woodward Bus. Not like the bus driver is intentionally tryina keep you, Mr. Nigga; he just didn't see you.


• If someone looks like they stink, they stink. I decided to be nice and let this guy sit in the seat next to me. Unfortunately, he smelled like applesauce and shit. Of course, I was in a seat without access to an open window, so I just had to deal with it for bout a half hour.


• Prostitution on Woodward has long been a joke in Detroit. It is true.


• I saw this guy wearing a Cartier glasses, a fuzzy Kangol over a doo-rag, with a corduroy jacket and tearaway pants on. Reppin "tha D."