Bus Log: September 22, 2014: All about meth

There are lots of weird people in Seattle. Many of them feel the need to ask you strange, and often personal, questions. Many times, this leads me to believe they're on meth. Maybe it's crack. Maybe it's liquor, but here, it'll always be assumed to be meth. So, I've begun to keep track of #methHeadQuestions. It's always safe to read these in the voices of Badger and Skinny Pete from Breaking Bad.

#methHeadQuestions

• hey bro. u wanna make $150? 
• No follow up here. I just laughed hard as hell and kept walking. 
• hey brotha, you need some speakers?
• guy pushing a Target cart, with a blanket covering some speakers, with a Target price tag on it, outside of Target. 
• My reply: "Nah man I got a enough speakers. I got speakers in my house, in my car. I even got speakers in my pocket ::pull out headphones::" 
• Then he called me an asshole. Not very many people can say they've been called an asshole by a homeless meth-head. I'm making strides in life.
• hey man, wanna buy a pack of hot dogs and socks?
• at the bus stop, downtown. far from refrigeration.
• heeeyyyy, broooo...can i get a swig of your water bottle, dude? i'm thirsty as hellllll
• slight head tilt. no verbal response. 
• nice flowers, dude. can i get one for my girl?
• I was walking down the street with this (quite impressive) bouquet I arranged for my wife. I was in a really good mood, and actually began to reach to give him one. Then mid-motion, I realized my fucks to give supply was completely exhausted, and continued ignoring him
• this lady at the bus stop had some kind of McDonald's burger, and this guy walks by, sees it, and stops. She doesn't look up at him at all, but he's like checking her out for a good 5 seconds, furrowed brow & all. Then he says: 
• "hey......HEEAAAY!...that's a good lookin burga heh hah!" and keeps walking along his methy way

Ghetto lady & Meth guy

Yeah, so this could've been a mid-90s UPN or WB sitcom. Front of the bus action here. I'm sitting in the first row of forward-facing bus seats, and there's this meth head in the side-facing seats. He looks dirty and high as shit. This big, bodacious black woman comes and sits right next to him.

Ghetto lady: Nah baby you gotta move out the WAY, you see this ass??

Meth guy: ::quietly:: oh, sorry. ::scoots over:: I didn't think anyone would wanna sit next to me. I haven't taken a shower in 11 days
GL: 11 days?? you don't SMELL bad. whatchu use, Irish Spring?? 

So he laughs, and they hit it off pretty well. She pulls out some Flamin' Hot Cheetos (which I didn't even know they still made)

GL: Damn! I am ADDICTED to these things. You ever had em?
MG: No, I don't think so
GL: Hm. Hold out yo hand. ::pours him a couple::
MG: ::eats the Cheetos, immediately begins what appears to be a fake cough::
GL: You betta getchu some WATER! HA! 

And somehow they started talkin about Mike Jones