There were two guys at the bus stop when I got there this morning. One looked like a light brown-skinned Bald Bull (Mike Tyson's Punchout),
and the other was like a. . . . well, just an old hood rat. Let's call him Rodney.
I arrived, and nothing was off-kilter for a while. "Good morning," I said. They both replied "Hey man, good morning brotha." That was about the most normal thing they said.
- Random outburst of the morning 1
Old Hood Rat Rodney: What bus you waitin on man?
Me: The 740 or the 405. Whichever comes first.
Black Bald Bull: ::explodes:: MAN I HATE THAT MUTHAFUCKIN BUS! MY MUTHAFUCKIN WIFE BE ON THAT MUTHAFUCKA!
Me: ::thinking:: "aw sheit" - Random outburst of the morning 2
OHRR: (to BBB) Where u get on?
BBB: The Pines, right down the street
OHRR: ::explodes:: MAN I WAS BOUTA MOVE IN THER BUT THEM MUTHAFUCKAS TURNED ME DOWN! HAD MY MUTHAFUCKIN CREDIT CHECK N EVERYTHANG! BUT SOON AS I WAS BOUTA MOVE IN THEY SAID I COULDN'T. FUCK EM! - On Child Support
Apparently, every black man with children in and around the City of Detroit owes child support.
BBB: Man if you owe like less than $5,000, they won't even come after you. But I owe bout $10 G's!
OHRR: Yeah I owe like $25 G's!
BBB: Yeah I owe like $100 G's!
Me: :-\ - On Prison
BBB: Man I LOVE Dickerson Correctional Facility. If u get 45 days, they usually cut that shit to like 20. . . sometimes u might not even stay the NIGHT. If u ain't kill nobody, or did nothin too scantless, they might let you out that same night.
OHRR: Yup, that's the one my son was locked up at.
BBB: AND they got bitches!
OHRR: ::really interested:: THEY LET YALL SEE THE WOMEN?!
BBB: Naw, but all the COs is BITCHES! It was this one bitch in there just TRYYYYINA give me da pussy. I said 'Miss Kendall when u gon lemme get dat pussy?' She said 'Boy you crazy.'
Me: . . . . - On Technology
BBB: ::texting:: Man I hate this text shit. But the bitches like it so I had to learn. I figger if THEY like it, I can learn that shit.
OHRR: Yeah, keep that stable in line. (Mighta been a pun, cuz BBB told us that he cleans the horse stables for the police horses).
But yeah my son paralyzed from the waist down be on that laaabtop. He come up to me tellin me put this tape in fa da naked ladies! I said 'Boy u can do ANYTHING on that computa!'
Me: ::Fighting the urge to show them that they can also pull up porn on their cell phones:: - On dating
BBB: Mosta the bitches I fucked wit was offa the bus! I fucked this white bitch in the bushes once. I just bought her a lil t-shirt from my job and she was wit it! Bangin her lil white ass in the bushes at Rouge Park!
(At this point, I decided to get in on the action, for the sake of writing this)
Me: Yeah I used to take the 6 mile bus home from high school. It was this one bad bitch I used to see EEEERRY day! So one day I sit next to her and start talkin to her. Next thing I know, I'm FINGERIN the bitch! ON the bus! I did that every day for a week, then was like 'you should come on down to my stop today.' She did. I fucked the shit outta her. From that day on, I just caught a different bus home!
OHRR: Daaaaamn!
BBB: YEAH! Tha's how u gotta DO these bitches! But the thang wit most black bitches is they all tryina get PAID! And yeah I ain't gon lie, I'll spend a lil bit on a bitch. Bitch be like 'Fitteen hunned' fa da pussy, I'll spend it just to fuck her lil bad ass and get her out my face.
Me: Yeah! - On The Weather
Old Hood Rat Rodney tried to convince me that it hasn't rained that much this summer.
OHRR: Man it's been really nice this year.
Me: Yeah, but it rained a lot.
OHRR: Naw it ain't rained THAT much.
Me: Man it's rained like twice a week all summer.
OHRR: Naw, it ain't rained that much.
Me: Yeah, I'm pretty sure we've had record rainfall this summer.
OHRR: OK, I see what u mean. It ain't rain that MUCH, but when it DID rain, it was a lot.
Me: OK.
From this point on, it just gets more ignoranter. . . .
............................
Bus pulls up.
BBB: This that fat ass bitch I bet. She ALWAYS late. Yop that's her fat ass.
We got on the bus and sat in 3 different spots. I was SO glad to not have to listen to their dumbassedness any longer.
A few stops later. . .
BBB: BACK DOE!. . . . . ::mutters under breath:: fat muthafucka!
No lie. I almost lost it.
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