The bus arrived 10 minutes late. Smart buses are NEVER late. And I almost didn't get on, because the sign said the wrong number. I coulda SWORN it said "Route 666 - Detroit - Hellbound" at first, but I needed the "740 - 12 Mile," so I was gonna pass it up. I got on the bus to ask the driver what part of Detroit it goes through, and Lesbian Bus Driver says "Dis bus don't go ta Dee-trawit!" And looked at me like EYE was the ignorant one.
This bitch looked ROUGH! She looked like life hated her and she didn't bother to do anything to reconcile their differences. She was a big white lady with faded tattoos all over her neck and arms, and 2 or 3 teeth missing. Not the two RIGHT in the front, but some of the side-front joints, so it looks even more crackly. So after I figured out that this actually WAS the 12 Mile bus, I told her that the sign was wrong. She stood up, banged on the inside a couple times, and sat back down. With her, was another, equally rough-looking, big black lesbian woman.
Now, for all of you who do not know, there exists a double standard when it comes to women with fades. If a woman (no matter her sexual orientation) decides to rock a fade, she absolutely MUST, bar NOTHING, keep it sharp. A guy can get away with going to the barber shop every couple of weeks, line up every weekend, whatever. Not a woman. I have female friends who could be poster-women for fades. These young ladies need to show the world (and this one chic on the bus, in particular) how to rock a fade.
**End Rant**
This bitch's fade was HIT! It was like a lopsided-almost-kinda-nappy-but-not-really-a-fro. And she wanted to tell me that the sign was right too, and I was wrong. I just sat down.
The next stop was in OCC parking lot, and I guess the bus driver took a 73 second break. These three guys (who looked like Eminem's boys who weren't quite cool enough for D-12) came up to the door and asked which route it was
LBD: ::yells:: BUS STOP OVA DERE! ::pulls 10 feet forward and lets ANOTHER rough looking chic on the bus::
D-13: Oh so you gon pick us up from over there?
LBD: Naw I'ma make you jump over here.
Now she says this, not jokingly, but like a serious smart ass. Like she knew him and WANTED to fight him! So D-14 and D-15 walk in front of the bus, to the designated spot and grim the shit outta her. I laugh audibly.
But at this point, I'm starting to get a lil nervous. I'm on the bus with 3 REALLY mean looking, surly, burly, manly women, and they won't let anyone else on. I had a full beard, so they HAD to know I wasn't a woman, so that didn't worry me. But something was still kinda weird.
Turns out it was nothing. Literally, as SOON as D-13, D-14, and D-15 got to the other side of the parking lot, she drives up and lets them on. Funniest shit I had seen in some time.
Sylar got on the bus a few stops later and just sat quietly, thoughtfully. . . almost menacingly*.
*I mighta imagined the menacing part, because he looked like Sylar.
So for a good 15-20 minutes, I had my headphones on. Suddenly, I got the distinct feeling that I was missing something. I mute my headphones, and right away I hear
Ranting Idiot: ...I'm not STUPID, I got a lil brain damage, but I don't take no shit from NOBODY! and they KNOW that!
I stop reading my ebook, turn my music off, and start taking notes. Then, in a stroke of genius, I decide that it may be even MORE fun to just drop in on the monologue every few minutes, to further randomize the randomness, if you will.
This guy sounded like when Eddie Murphy does his "angry black guy" voice (2:34).
Ranting Idiot on Music:
RI: I don't see HOW Jay-Z dat RICH, mane! I been buyin his albums over TEN YEARS na and I don't see WHAT it is! I been tryina figga it out EVERY TIME I BUY one! I don't get it! He should be like Michael Jackson and make music EVERYBODY like!
Ranting Idiot on Sports:
RI: Lebron James! You KNOW dat boy like 30 years old! Him and Michael Vick. Why the Lions fans talkin bout we need to get him??? He OLD!!!
This other guy got on the bus. . . . and I don't really like to talk about people too much, but uh. . . . fuck it, yes I do. I'll present this equation for all my fellow job-seekers out there:
doo rag + cardboard suit = you won't get the job
You can always tell the guys who just got outta prison and are on their way to a job interview - they're usually wearing a too-big suit, carrying a trumpet case for a briefcase, white tube socks, and boots. Watch for em. You'll thank me.
Random thoughts:
- I saw a white albino and thought, "how did I realize that they were both?" White albinos are redundant.
- If you gotta bend down to reach your back pocket, there's a problem with your stupid ass pants, stupid ass.
- Saw a bunch of Mexicans in neck braces standing outside a building. . . I wondered what THAT conversation was like.
And this was just on the way TO work. . .
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