How to Open the Box Which Contains the Key to Happiness. . .

From the world's greatest book: How to Win Friends and Influence People.
Enjoy

You don’t feel like smiling? Then what? Two things. First, force yourself to smile. If you are alone, force yourself to whistle or hum a tune or sing. Act as if you were already happy, and that will tend to make you happy. Here is the way the psychologist and philosopher William James put it:

“Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not.

“Thus the sovereign voluntary path to cheerfulness, if our cheerfulness be lost, is to sit up cheerfully and to act and speak as if cheerfulness were already there…”
Everybody in the world is seeking happiness, and there is one sure way to find it. That is by controlling your thoughts. Happiness doesn’t depend on outward conditions. It depends on inner conditions.

It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it. For example, two people may be in the same place, doing the same thing; both may have about an equal amount of money and prestige, and yet one may be miserable and the other happy.

Why? Because of a different mental attitude. I have seen just as many happy faces among the poor peasants toiling with their primitive tools in the devastating heat of the tropics as I have seen in air-conditioned offices in New York, Chicago or Los Angeles.
“There is nothing either good or bad,” said Shakespeare, “but thinking makes it so.”

Ghetto Carnival

Well, this particular day, I had a lil extra money and was feeling like doing something nice for a children or two. . . ended up just being one: my niece Cameron.

I had just finished studying at the Southfield Library, and was going to take her to the family-fun, safe-looking, no-hood-rat, carnival right outside. For some reason (probably subliminally so I could write this blog entry), I changed my mind. We instead went to the one on Greenfield and I-96. Yeah. . .

So when we first pulled up, there were people sitting in their cars smoking weed. Some were actually selling jewelry out of their trunk. It looked more like the parking lot of a hood bar after a "Brightmoor Doe-Gettas" or some shit concert. Anyway, we proceed into the carnival, I have a tight grip on her hand. As we're walkin in, she trips. I look down and see huge fuckin craters in the ground like right in front of the ticket booth. So you are FORCED to navigate this treachery if you want to have any kind of fun.

After these two events, I made the decision to only spend enough money for her to get on a few of the rides, win her a lil prize, and gtf outta there. $40 and an hour should do it.

So we make our way over to the swings ride, and she wants me to get on with her. While in line, I notice the guys not really paying attention to how the kids are fastened in. Kinda just walking by the seats, not checking them at all. One kid even says "HEY MISTER! MY THING NOT FASTENED!" Dude ignores him, and keeps walking. Some other kid ends up fixing it for him. When it starts, while we're still in line, I look up and see the ghetto babies kicking each other while they're up in the air, grabbing each other's swing, some of em are even throwing shit at each other. I look at Cam and say "Are you sure you wanna ride this?" She replies with an enthusiastic "YEAH!" I personally made sure she was securely fastened before taking off.

Next, we get on the Gravitron - the ride where you're standing up and it spins, pinning you to the wall. While on this one, this little girl appears as if she's trying to spit on someone. I'm looking dead in her face as she's unsuccessfully attempting to conjure up a loogie. I hoped that she would choke on it. She did not. As the ride slows down, but has not yet stopped, the kids all just take their belts off and start walking. I'm like "hold up Cam....not yet." Sure enough, the asshole operator starts the ride back up momentarily, shaking the shit outta the ghetto babies walking toward the exit. I laugh.

Now Cameron wants to play some games. The ring toss game, which usually uses pop bottles, has beer bottles at this particular carnival. I thought that was inappropriate. . . maybe it's just me though. Kinda made me want a beer.

Next, she wants to get on the hang-glider ride. On this ride, you lie face down, with your face on a cushion, and it spins you around. I said "don't put your face on that shit!" She gets on the ride, and obediently, yet uncomfortably, keeps her head propped up the entire time lmao. While waiting on this ride to start, a huge, gargantuan fatty fat fat ADULT gets on with no child, and fats down the entire ride. This fat ass was so big, I was afraid she would throw off the equilibrium of the ride. Anyway, that turned out alright too.

The People

• I saw Gerald Levert. Tried to get a picture. . . to no avail.
• They had the club background for you to take pics (i.e - airbrushed Airplanes, Maybachs, and Moet bottles)
• Stands with bootleg CDs & DVDs, as well as "Goach" and "Cucci" purses, belts, and t shirts
  
• Red Robin hair style. HAD to get a pic. . .
• 
• Dudes wearing a shirt that said "Free big byrd" with a picture of a big, dumb-looking, yellow guy on it. I laughed at THAT shit so hard. I hope his dumb ass never gets out.
  
• Argument broke out between two (pre?) teen girls. I didn't hear the whole thing, but it was something like
  

  Rat Bitch #1: BITCH I'MA TELL YO MAMA!
  Rat Bitch #2: BITCH U BETT NOT!
  
  I'm sure Rat Bitch #2's mama was there, and heard everything they were saying anyway. No need to tell on her, Rat Bitch #1. . . . fucking idiot.

• The Fight - No hood event is complete without the obligatory fight. These dudes get to yelling and arguing. Next thing I know, somebody pushes somebody else down, then the shirts come off. This one lil fool got "God's son" tattood real small on his chest. I'm pretty sure God didn't approve of THAT shit. Another guy had the Death Row Records electric chair poorly tattooed on his arm. It looked like he let his retarded 7 year old son do it.
  
• As we were leaving the field, this guy sitting in his car smoking weed yells out the window "AY! AY! LIL GIRL!" talking to my NIECE! I said "keep movin Cam. Don't even look." He continues "AY! You WHASSANAME daughter!" I said "No she ain't." And got her in the car.
  
• As we were driving away, the police came rushing in for some reason. Glad we didn't find out why.

All in all, it was a pretty ok day. We didn't see very much blood, and she had fun. I'll never go back again though.

Impact & Interdependence of Social Factors & Engineering + Porn

Thomas Phillips
Essay 7 – Impact & Interdependence of
Social Factors & Engineering
8 April 2008

Social factors and engineering relate to each other on many levels. Many times there are latent consequences nested in engineering decisions. When this is the case, it may cause the engineering team to reevaluate certain factors; there are more variables involved than initially considered. This may lead to missed deadlines, extended product development time, or recalls, depending on when the new information is acquired.

On occasion, the latent social function of an invention may not be physically dangerous, and even profitable for some. Consider the internet. It was created as a means of communication in times of crisis by the government. Now, less than 50 years after its inception, the world wide web has been branded as an integral part of every day life for a large part of the world. We use it to communicate with each other, shop, and in some cases, we use it to keep track of our life. A negative latent function of the internet is predators who prey on children via social channels such as instant messaging and networking sites.

In an effort to curb some of this activity, the service providers now include disclaimers which aim to nullify any attempts to hold them responsible for the actions of those who abuse their service. There are age restrictions and rules, which cannot truly be enforced in a virtual atmosphere, because anyone can be whomever they choose in cyberspace. However, once a person agrees to the terms of use of the service, it is equivalent to signing a contract, which does effectively protect the provider from legal action.

Another latent function of the internet is pornography. Every second $3,075.64 is spent on internet porn. That is $96,993,383,040 per year (for clarification, that's ninety-six billion, nine hundred ninety three million, three hundred eighty three thousand forty dollars per year...thought seeing it in words might add another dimension to the gravity of this number). Thatsa lotsa porn-a!

This number may be used as a barometer to measure the world's moral disintegration as well. Almost $100,000,000,000 per year is being spent to watch people partake in a private act, of which the natural intention is procreation. Not to mention the sites which highlight acts which are NOT meant for procreation (I won't go into those in this paper...but you can imagine). There are rehabilitation centers for people “addicted to porn.” This was not so much of a problem before the internet became such an integral part of our lives. However, due to the epic-scale ethical decay which plagues our world today, many new jobs were created. Psychiatrists and porn-rehab specialists now have something to do because of the internet porn business.

Don't get the wrong idea; I'm not bashing porn. I enjoy it quite regularly actually. But I neither pay nor get paid for it, so I'm not contributing to these staggering numbers. Now, if lotion sales were included in these figures, that might be another story. But I digress...

There are plenty of other, less sexual examples of the interdependence of social factors and engineering, porn and the internet is one of the most prominent relationships when this topic is brought up. As I mentioned, the internet is a prominent part of most Americans' lives. And anyone who uses the internet regularly is aware of the overwhelming presence of sex. Random thought: Good thing we're not as dependent on porn as we are on foreign oil – then we'd ALL be fucked...with no lubrication.

Ethics in Engineering - A Story, as Told by Thomas Phillips

Thomas Phillips
Essay 5 – Ethics in the Engineering Process
19 February 2008

Ethics is a very important issue in terms of engineering. Engineers are entrusted with the safety and well-being of millions of people. Any concerns of an ethical nature should be fully investigated and thought out before any plan goes into effect.

Percy O. Sullivan makes microwaves. He has been in the industry for ten years, has shown some resilience in the market, and emerged as a true competitor. To get a better edge on the competition, POS Microwaves decides to try to cut their overhead by saving money on parts. Percy assembles a team of engineers to research the matter and present their findings to him so that he can make an informed decision. There are big perks in it for the employee who finds the best cost savings.

Laura is in charge of finding a replacement door for the POS Microwave. She has narrowed it down to two choices: one which costs a whole dollar less than the current one, and another which is a mere 10 cents less. She conducts trials and finds some interesting facts. The much cheaper door melts after 20 minutes of continuous microwaving. The plastic melts, bubbles, and explodes outward, spraying whoever is standing within a 10 foot radius of the blast with molten hot plastic. The other door is rated for 60 minutes of microwaving before the same thing happens. Laura is faced with making the decision. She weighs her options: on one side, she rationalizes that no one will ever leave the microwave running that long uninterrupted in real life anyway, so the cheaper door may be a suitable alternative. On the other hand, it is always best to err on the side of caution; assume that anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Knowing all of this, Laura still goes with the cheaper door. Within the first week of this unit’s release, the company has 16 lawsuits to deal with, and the POS Microwave is quickly recalled.

Mark is the heading up the initiative to find a new power supply for the POS Microwave. He has done the appropriate research, conducted trials, and narrowed it down to three choices. The first one costs much less, but does not perform satisfactorily, so he decides against it. The next candidate met all the criteria, and was at a slight cost-savings. And the third contender costs slightly more than all of them, performs just as good as number 2, but the company is owned by Mark’s nephew. Mark knows that this would raise the issues of nepotism, which is a major ethical concern, so he decides to go with the second power supply. Mr. Sullivan gives Mark a raise and a promotion over the entire power supply department.

Amazingly, Laura is not fired. It turns out that Mr. Sullivan was having sexual relations with Laura the entire time she was employed there. As a matter of fact, that is how she got the job; her degree is in General Tomfoolery from Sumdum University. Mr. Sullivan’s judgment on this matter is highly unethical. Lucky for him, he and Laura have managed to keep their relationship a secret.

Later, Mark suggests that they buy his nephew’s small business, and the boss agrees. The company grows exponentially, and they all live happily ever after.

This One Time, At My Ol Dude's Crib. . . (30 May 2009)

So much hilarity happens at my Ol Dude's crib, I figure it deserves an ongoing segment on the blog.

This morning, I was over there working in the garage. I was building a storage shelf to put in my basement. He was kinda helping, but not really. At about 10:30, he says he has to go take my cousin to work. About 5 seconds after getting in the car and backing up about 10 feet, he stops abruptly and jumps out:

(And this is where the hilarity ensues)


Ol Dude: Ay man! There's a CAT in my car somewhere! I can HEAR it, but don't SEE it!
Me: HA!

So we start looking all over the car, in the back seat, I knock on the hood, thinking maybe it crawled up in the engine or somethin. I still didn't hear it, but I figure if he was that convinced, that there MUST be a cat in this muhfucka somewhere. So he pops the trunk, and before I can say "hol up, lemme get outta the way," this big ass white furball bolts outta the trunk and down the driveway.

Talk
about
DYING
with
laughter. . .
I thought I was gonna kick the bucket right then and there in the driveway with my dad and this strange ass trunk-cat watching.

Ol Dude: MAN IT WAS A GODDAMN CAT IN MY TRUNK!!! THAT MUTHAFUCKA PISSED AND SHITTED ALL IN MY SHIT!!!

Me: LMAOLMAOLMAO

Ol Dude: ::continuing tirade of anger:: HOW THE HELL DID IT GET IN THERE???

Me: ::unable to form intelligible sentences because of inhibitive laughter:: LMAOLMAOLMAO

Ol Dude: Man clean this shit out my trunk. Gimme yo car keys!

That trunk was so fulla cat urine and feces, it was ridiculous. I almost stopped laughing, it was so much cat shit in there. . . . almost. And as I'm cleaning up, the cat is still lurking around lookin at me like "Please let me back in :-(" So I chased it away with a metal pipe.

And don't get it twisted; I had every intention on beating that pussy. . . cat.

Ol Dude's house is always full of comedy.