- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Canadian adventure
This weekend, I went to Canadia with the NSBEans for [inter]National Conference. Last year in Vegas, the Convention Crew was formed. Me, Jay, Ralph, Ant and Kelv. We reunited this year for Toronto, sans Jay....and the hilarity ensued.
The Geezer
We stopped at Canadian McDonalds (which, by the way, is infinitely better than Detroit "Mack-Donnle's"). Leaving, we saw this guy walking down the street, bent at about a 100 degree angle at the waist, crossing a busy street.
This guy probably should not have been out on his own. Somebody at the nursing home is prolly gonna lose their job over this. If you laugh at this sh*t, we'll prolly see each other in hell later. . . cuz we cackled like. . . . professional cacklers(??). Whatever. Look.
.....5 minutes later....
Oh we laughed our immature asses 100% completely off!
Angry Asian Man
Traffic is mad thick on the 402. It's backed up and we're moving like 5 mph. All at once, we look over and see this little man muggin the SH*T out of us!!
He was lookin at us mean as HELL! we cracked up so hard at this fool. We passed each other like 4 times, and every time, his face reflected more anger. I couldn't get a pic of the mean face, but please try to imagine...
Indian Dancing Machine
There was a man on Yonge Street playing the drums. And this Indian fellow was giggin like there was no tomorrow. Had to get video.
"n*gga do u know how LONG a mile is here???"
"ay! There go Kadeem Hardison!....oh nvm, he white"
"man that b*tch lyin. she can't cook...look how skinny she is!"
"ay man if customs tell u to pull over, tell em we can't cuz we kinda in a hurry"
And we saw a guy on a unicycle too.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
The Geezer
We stopped at Canadian McDonalds (which, by the way, is infinitely better than Detroit "Mack-Donnle's"). Leaving, we saw this guy walking down the street, bent at about a 100 degree angle at the waist, crossing a busy street.
This guy probably should not have been out on his own. Somebody at the nursing home is prolly gonna lose their job over this. If you laugh at this sh*t, we'll prolly see each other in hell later. . . cuz we cackled like. . . . professional cacklers(??). Whatever. Look.
.....5 minutes later....
Oh we laughed our immature asses 100% completely off!
Angry Asian Man
Traffic is mad thick on the 402. It's backed up and we're moving like 5 mph. All at once, we look over and see this little man muggin the SH*T out of us!!
He was lookin at us mean as HELL! we cracked up so hard at this fool. We passed each other like 4 times, and every time, his face reflected more anger. I couldn't get a pic of the mean face, but please try to imagine...
Indian Dancing Machine
There was a man on Yonge Street playing the drums. And this Indian fellow was giggin like there was no tomorrow. Had to get video.
"n*gga do u know how LONG a mile is here???"
"ay! There go Kadeem Hardison!....oh nvm, he white"
"man that b*tch lyin. she can't cook...look how skinny she is!"
"ay man if customs tell u to pull over, tell em we can't cuz we kinda in a hurry"
And we saw a guy on a unicycle too.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Bus Log: Thu 18 Feb 10
The Attempted Abduction
Standing at the bus stop and this big clean DTS rolls up. The guy rolls the window down, and appears to be saying something to me. As I look at him, I notice how outta place he looks in the car. Kinda like seeing a pigeon in front of the American flag instead of an eagle - not quite right, ya know?
His teeth look like shattered glass. He seems like the kinda guy who'd nickname himself after the car he drives, like "Towncar Jeff" or "Kid Cutlass".........
Anyway. I'm standing there and he rolls his window down and says...
Cadillac Pigeon: ::high-pitched, indiscernible mumbling::
Me: Excuse me? ::stepping toward curb::
CP: ::inaudible utterances::
Me: Still ain't hear u bro ::one step closer::
CP: U gettin on the bus?
Me: Yeah.
CP: Man I'll take u if you gimme some gas money.
Me: ::backing sharply away:: Sorry man, all I got is bus fare.
CP: That's all I need baby bruh! ::fades out as I walk away:: Aw come on baby bruh!......
I went into the bus stop shelter after that.
The Grammar Lesson
In the bus shelter was a trio of idiocy. They look like maybe they coulda been theCoca Cola RC Cola K-Mart store brand Cola commercial singers......30 years ago.
Their conversation was absolutely ludicrous. Although I really wasn't in the mood to listen, I would have been doing you a disservice had I not. And it goes a little somethin like this:
Singer #1: That gramma sh*t?? I ain't tryin be no gatdam English teacha. Iont need no damn ajatives n sh*t. No pronouns a whateva. I got da basics.
S2: I can say any volls I wanna say, so I'm satisfied. I know how to ask fa p*ssy! I got 2 desktops AND a laptop!
This guy
This was a pic I took the other night and forgot to post. I inadvertently missed my stop getting this pic.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Standing at the bus stop and this big clean DTS rolls up. The guy rolls the window down, and appears to be saying something to me. As I look at him, I notice how outta place he looks in the car. Kinda like seeing a pigeon in front of the American flag instead of an eagle - not quite right, ya know?
His teeth look like shattered glass. He seems like the kinda guy who'd nickname himself after the car he drives, like "Towncar Jeff" or "Kid Cutlass".........
Anyway. I'm standing there and he rolls his window down and says...
Cadillac Pigeon: ::high-pitched, indiscernible mumbling::
Me: Excuse me? ::stepping toward curb::
CP: ::inaudible utterances::
Me: Still ain't hear u bro ::one step closer::
CP: U gettin on the bus?
Me: Yeah.
CP: Man I'll take u if you gimme some gas money.
Me: ::backing sharply away:: Sorry man, all I got is bus fare.
CP: That's all I need baby bruh! ::fades out as I walk away:: Aw come on baby bruh!......
I went into the bus stop shelter after that.
The Grammar Lesson
In the bus shelter was a trio of idiocy. They look like maybe they coulda been the
Their conversation was absolutely ludicrous. Although I really wasn't in the mood to listen, I would have been doing you a disservice had I not. And it goes a little somethin like this:
Singer #1: That gramma sh*t?? I ain't tryin be no gatdam English teacha. Iont need no damn ajatives n sh*t. No pronouns a whateva. I got da basics.
S2: I can say any volls I wanna say, so I'm satisfied. I know how to ask fa p*ssy! I got 2 desktops AND a laptop!
This guy
This was a pic I took the other night and forgot to post. I inadvertently missed my stop getting this pic.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Monday, February 15, 2010
Bus Log: Mon 15 Feb 2010 (Evening)
After one and a half bus rides to Pontiac, I'm almost convinced that everyday Pontiac crazies trump the craziest Highland Park crazies.
In HP, you can kinda understand the motives of the crazy people: crack. You might see one of em pickin up cigarettes off the ground to smoke, which is TERRIBLE, but they're homeless and broke. In Pontiac, I think they're just f*ckin OFF! They prolly do that sh*t while driving home from work and smoke em later, just because!
At the bus stop on Huron and Woodward, there are these two gentlemen (and by gentlemen, I mean nimwit f*ckin dumb*ss junkies). Let's call them TweetleDum and TweetleStoopit.
TD: Ay man u got a cigarette u wanna sell?
Me: Iont smoke.
TD: So u don't got just one??
Me: ::blank stare::
Then the two of them were just staring DOWN this ugly girl at the bus stop. Maybe they smelled narcotics on her, cuz nothing about this girl was appealing. Them crack goggles must be a MUTHAf*cka...
TD: ::very low, yet still fully ignorant:: Ay baby....
He was talking to the ugly girl, who was on her phone, and not paying attention. Even if she was, he said it so low she couldn't have heard it anyway.
When the bus came, they got in line and TD said
TD: We goin to DEE-TRAAAWWWT...DEETRAAWWWT.
Then started singin Ja Rule - New York.
Once on the bus, TD got on with his found or stolen transfer. TS, however, was having problems.
TD: TRY STICKIN IT IN THE OTHA WAY!
TS: ::Pretending to not know the problem::
Bus driver lets him on and TD is still suggesting solutions. TS waves his hands inconspicuously, like he's sayin "be cool, I snuck on dis b*tch..."
I'm sure the driver knew what was goin on. Dumbasses.
They got off like 2 blocks later...still in Pontiac. Nowhere near "Detrawt."
Next, we have this lady who looked like a cross between the Grinch and Baraka from Mortal Kombat....except BOTH of them had better teeth than her. This b*tch got 2 lil kids with her, both under 9 years old and cussin to and at them like they're fellow crackheads.
BrownSkinnedBarakaGrinchBitch: ::to the children:: YEAH! we was AAWWL in that muthaf*cka. Sittin there drunk n sh*t den da cops bust in. My drunk ass ran so quick. I jumped out a muthaf*ckin window and ran down the street! I got to the alley and knew dem muthaf*ckas wudn't gon catch ME! I ain't realize I ain't have no coat on till like a muthaf*ckin hour later. And it was cold as SH*T!
Stories like this one for about an hour to the children.
Little Girl with Her: OOH it STANK on here. We gotta hurry up and get off. ::turns from lady and puts her scarf over her nose::
At one point she pulled out a half-pint of Seagram's...killed the rest of that, then had a lil Patron bottle...which she probably found and refilled with cheap gin.
They got off in (you guessed it) Highland f*cking Park.
Couldn't get a pic or vid, but here's audio
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
In HP, you can kinda understand the motives of the crazy people: crack. You might see one of em pickin up cigarettes off the ground to smoke, which is TERRIBLE, but they're homeless and broke. In Pontiac, I think they're just f*ckin OFF! They prolly do that sh*t while driving home from work and smoke em later, just because!
At the bus stop on Huron and Woodward, there are these two gentlemen (and by gentlemen, I mean nimwit f*ckin dumb*ss junkies). Let's call them TweetleDum and TweetleStoopit.
TD: Ay man u got a cigarette u wanna sell?
Me: Iont smoke.
TD: So u don't got just one??
Me: ::blank stare::
Then the two of them were just staring DOWN this ugly girl at the bus stop. Maybe they smelled narcotics on her, cuz nothing about this girl was appealing. Them crack goggles must be a MUTHAf*cka...
TD: ::very low, yet still fully ignorant:: Ay baby....
He was talking to the ugly girl, who was on her phone, and not paying attention. Even if she was, he said it so low she couldn't have heard it anyway.
When the bus came, they got in line and TD said
TD: We goin to DEE-TRAAAWWWT...DEETRAAWWWT.
Then started singin Ja Rule - New York.
Once on the bus, TD got on with his found or stolen transfer. TS, however, was having problems.
TD: TRY STICKIN IT IN THE OTHA WAY!
TS: ::Pretending to not know the problem::
Bus driver lets him on and TD is still suggesting solutions. TS waves his hands inconspicuously, like he's sayin "be cool, I snuck on dis b*tch..."
I'm sure the driver knew what was goin on. Dumbasses.
They got off like 2 blocks later...still in Pontiac. Nowhere near "Detrawt."
Next, we have this lady who looked like a cross between the Grinch and Baraka from Mortal Kombat....except BOTH of them had better teeth than her. This b*tch got 2 lil kids with her, both under 9 years old and cussin to and at them like they're fellow crackheads.
BrownSkinnedBarakaGrinchBitch: ::to the children:: YEAH! we was AAWWL in that muthaf*cka. Sittin there drunk n sh*t den da cops bust in. My drunk ass ran so quick. I jumped out a muthaf*ckin window and ran down the street! I got to the alley and knew dem muthaf*ckas wudn't gon catch ME! I ain't realize I ain't have no coat on till like a muthaf*ckin hour later. And it was cold as SH*T!
Stories like this one for about an hour to the children.
Little Girl with Her: OOH it STANK on here. We gotta hurry up and get off. ::turns from lady and puts her scarf over her nose::
At one point she pulled out a half-pint of Seagram's...killed the rest of that, then had a lil Patron bottle...which she probably found and refilled with cheap gin.
They got off in (you guessed it) Highland f*cking Park.
Couldn't get a pic or vid, but here's audio
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Bus Log: Mon 15 Feb 2010
Black History Lesson
This morning, i decided to take the bus to Pontiac instead of driving. I got a pretty in-depth (albeit factually questionable) Black history lesson from one of the Smart bus crackies...
I got on, and this old guy was on the bus talking to a family of Mexican people. Apparently, he was their crackhead tour guide.
On Woodward, there are markers stating historical importance of certain places. There is one in front of a church describing the Underground Railroad...
Smart Bus Cracky: Da undaground railroad went right thu here. Yep. Used to be a river.
Mex Dad: ::shocked amazement:: Right here??
SBC: ::pauses:; yep. Right here. Under the ground tho. Back in those days all this was part of Ontario. And it was all plantations, so that's how they got good crops...cuz the river was here. They used to have riverboat gambling too. Frederick Douglass came and bust all that shit up tho.
He got off in Highland Park. Case closed.
This just in: while passing through HP, there was a sign on a building advertising "medical" marijuana was available there......too easy. Y'all write your own jokes.
Happy Monday.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
This morning, i decided to take the bus to Pontiac instead of driving. I got a pretty in-depth (albeit factually questionable) Black history lesson from one of the Smart bus crackies...
I got on, and this old guy was on the bus talking to a family of Mexican people. Apparently, he was their crackhead tour guide.
On Woodward, there are markers stating historical importance of certain places. There is one in front of a church describing the Underground Railroad...
Smart Bus Cracky: Da undaground railroad went right thu here. Yep. Used to be a river.
Mex Dad: ::shocked amazement:: Right here??
SBC: ::pauses:; yep. Right here. Under the ground tho. Back in those days all this was part of Ontario. And it was all plantations, so that's how they got good crops...cuz the river was here. They used to have riverboat gambling too. Frederick Douglass came and bust all that shit up tho.
He got off in Highland Park. Case closed.
This just in: while passing through HP, there was a sign on a building advertising "medical" marijuana was available there......too easy. Y'all write your own jokes.
Happy Monday.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)